#32 - Time Under Tension: Dr. Sarah Sarkis on The Psychology of Thriving
Today’s guest is Dr. Sarah Sarkis
High-achieving people are burning a ton of energy trying to “control” their inner world—suppressing emotions, powering through shame, and chasing quick behavioural fixes—while never really learning how to work with their psyche in a way that leads to sustainable thriving. Sarah is tackling that gap: how to build true emotional flexibility, self-awareness, and self-regulation so you can handle discomfort, perform at a high level, and grow from struggle instead of being ruled by it.
In today’s conversation Sarah Sarkis explores what it really means to thrive psychologically, beyond the clichés of “just be positive.” She traces her journey from forensic psychology to performance consulting and explains why she’s “not in the business of happiness, but of self-awareness and change.” She and Dr. Wells unpack emotional “time under tension,” the power of developing an observing ego, the damage of abusive self-talk, and how our thoughts shape neurochemistry and even gene expression over time. They finish by diving into flow states, the struggle–release–flow–recovery cycle, and practical ways to design your day so presence and flow are more likely to show up—at work, in sport, and at home.
You will learn why Sarah defines thriving as emotional flexibility rather than constant happiness, and how expanding your capacity to feel all your emotions is the foundation for growth. You will learn how to practice self-observation, create space between stimulus and response, and reframe “control” as self-regulation built through small daily reps of sitting with yourself. You will learn how harsh self-talk and perfectionism are often symptoms of deeper shame injuries, and how compassion and curiosity begin to unwind those patterns. You will learn how thoughts drive neurochemical cascades that influence gene expression, what this means for epigenetics, and how simple practices like scheduled stillness, clear intentions, and working in the “challenge channel” help you access more frequent micro-flow states.
You will discover that emotional and psychological growth follow the same rules as physical training: it’s all about time under tension. When you repeatedly practice observing yourself—especially in discomfort—you widen your aperture for feelings, shift from white-knuckle control to genuine self-regulation, and make it far easier to access flow and high performance on demand.
Most listeners know what they “should” do—meditate, be present, change habits—but feel stuck, avoidant, or overwhelmed when it comes to actually facing their interior world. Sarah’s framework shows you how to move from behaviour-only hacks to deeper psychological work, so you can stop running from difficult emotions and instead use them as raw material for resilience, performance, and more authentic relationships.
Key take aways:
Emotional fitness grows through time under tension with your feelings.
Observation creates space between stimulus and response.
Self-talk reveals old injuries; it isn’t objective truth.
Thoughts shape neurochemistry and long-term gene expression.
Short, focused blocks of challenge can trigger micro-flow states.
“I’m not actually in the business of happiness. I’m in the business of self-awareness, and I’m in the business of change.”
Today’s Expert Guest - Dr. Sarah Sarkis
Dr. Sarah Sarkis is a licensed psychologist, writer, and performance consultant who serves as Senior Director of Performance Psychology at Exos, working with individuals, teams, and organizations on the “psychological game of greatness.” She has a long-standing private practice and consults with high-performing leaders, executives, and athletes, blending clinical psychology with high-performance coaching. Sarah earned her master’s degree in psychology from Boston College and her doctorate (Psy.D.) from George Washington University, and has additional training in mindfulness, functional medicine, and the interconnection between hormones, food, mood, and neurobiology.
Sarah’s approach is “big on science, low on bullsh*t”: she integrates psychodynamic and existential psychology with neurobiology, functional medicine, and performance science to create practical, no-nonsense tools for long-term change. She works at the intersection of mental health and peak performance—helping high performers cultivate emotional flexibility, psychological safety, and flow states in themselves and their teams—while also serving as an advisor and collaborator with the Flow Research Collective on the science of flow and leadership. Her writing and teaching consistently return to one core theme: sustainable excellence is an inside job, built by curiosity, honest self-observation, and a willingness to wrestle with life’s hard truths rather than avoid them.
Carve out a small daily practice—starting with 10–15 minutes—where you sit in stillness, observe your thoughts and emotions without trying to fix them, and then move directly into a single, clearly defined, moderately challenging task (your “challenge channel” work). Over time, this simple rhythm trains self-regulation, increases your tolerance for emotional discomfort, and makes it far easier to drop into focused flow states when it matters most.
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This podcast contains advice and information relating to health and wellness. It should be used to supplement rather than replace the advice of your doctor or another trained health professional. If you know or suspect that you have a health problem, seek your physician’s advice before embarking on any medical program or treatment. All efforts have been made to assure the accuracy of the information contained in this podcast / interview / article as of the date of publication. The author and publisher disclaim liability for any medical or other outcomes that may occur as a result of applying the methods suggested in this material.
